god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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