Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
