Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
