is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
