I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
