Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
