Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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