Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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