Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
