this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
time to smoke my breakfast
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
