Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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