it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
