just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
