Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
