Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
