I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Bring me that man meat
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
