You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
