its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
They are going to name an STD after you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
