I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
