The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
