yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Green mimosas i think yes
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
