i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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