He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We left an ass print on the piano.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
