Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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