she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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