The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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