How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize