Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize