My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
