I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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