I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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