More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
