i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
