OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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