I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
