Having a random hookup so left but love u
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
