Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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