i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
