my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
