So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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