He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
