i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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