Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
