even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
