Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
