i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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