Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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