You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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