Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize