I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
