No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
