It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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