those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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