so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
