I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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