No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
this hospital has no fireball
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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