how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
do nipples grow back?
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