so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
