They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
