but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
how do flat chested girls get laid?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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