Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
