Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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