The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
