so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
