Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize