No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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