she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
