is wine microwaveable?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
nutella sex= disaster
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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