its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Randomize
