I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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