I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
